Guest Post by Vicky Jackson, for World Prematurity Month 2016
I remember the day like it was yesterday. I got into bed at 2350, and I couldn’t actually believe this was happening, my waters had broke. I was 32 weeks pregnant.
I went into auto pilot, called the hospital and they said to come in ASAP. My husband and I ran around packing everything we thought we would need including size 2 nappies and car seat (we laugh about this now, not expecting to go hunting around Mothercare in the weeks to come for micro nappies).
On route to the hospital I remember googling about having a baby at 32 weeks and starting to panic. I felt like I had let everyone down especially my baby. I still do blame myself for my little boy arriving so soon. ‘Why couldn’t I carry till full term? I feel guilty he had to spend the first 3 weeks of his life in hospital when he should have been in my womb or at home with me.
When we got to the hospital I wasn’t having any contractions so they said they would give me a steroid injection now and one 12hrs later to help babies lungs mature. Boy did that hurt! And there was a possibility my waters would refill and I could be discharged home the next day, being monitored for the rest of my pregnancy. This made me a lot calmer.
But by 2pm it was another story. My contractions had started!
4pm came and it was time to push, I was scared ‘was my baby going to be ok?’ I had 10 doctors and nurses in the room with me to help my baby when he was born.
1825 on Mother’s Day, Ethan was born at 4lbs 3, a good size for a 32 weeker. When I heard him cry it was the most amazing feeling ever, he is a fighter I just knew it. They wrapped my baby up, I had just a quick glance and touch, then he was whisked off in an incubator. Daddy went with him. That was the hardest hour of my life as I couldn’t be with or see my baby.
After an hour I was able to go see my gorgeous boy. I was numb when I saw him, he had wires coming out of him and the beeps from the machines were so loud. Can he hear that? Will he be able to sleep with all that noise? All these thoughts and questions taking over my mind, I felt like I was in a bubble! All I wanted to do was pick him up, run and take him home! I felt lost and empty, my arms ached, I just wanted to hold my baby.
That next evening I was discharged.Leaving the hospital without your baby is the most unnatural thing to ever go through. It felt so wrong and so unbelievably painful. Every day I would get up early and get to the hospital as soon as I could. I would stay there all day.
My life as a NICU mummy was another world, in which I heard the same words daily – Hiflow, Loflow, long line, picline, CPAP, mummy have you expressed today? Making sure you had enough micro nappies, endless trips to the expressing room,
washing your hands constantly until they were red raw, and wishing the consultant would say today’s the day you’re rooming in.
Hours passing by I would sit there just looking at our strong gorgeous boy reading to him, singing to him, longing to hold him. I never thought the first time I would hold my baby I’d be fighting the millions of wires, but that just became my life and the more I was getting Ethan in and out of his incubator the more I was becoming a pro!
We moved up to the ‘Nursery’ section in NICU after day 3 and the nurses like you to do your babies care while you’re there this includes nappy changes, mouth/eye care, temperature and feeds, getting you ready for going home.
Our son was getting stronger and bigger by the day and eventually his tube came out and I could breastfeed him. He took to it like a pro. We roomed in for 2 days and he did amazing so they said we could go home. Those were the words we had longed for since the day he was born, but I was so scared to take him home. I even asked if I could take one of the machines with us and even looked at how much they were, those beeps were my life for 3 weeks. Going home was the most amazing feeling ever!
Our son is doing amazing and is now 7 1/2 months and over 20lbs! He is a joy to be around and is meeting all expectations, we are so overly proud of him. I have met some amazing mummies from NICU and I know we will be life time friends as we have one thing in common.
Our sons are NICU graduates!
If you have a story to share like Vicky, please get in touch with Catriona e. firstname.lastname@example.org